2013-12-20T20:53:11-04:00 2014-01-06T17:07:53-04:00

EARMILK's 12 Decibells of Christmas Day 6: TACHES

On the 6th day of Christmas, EARMILK gave to thee, a TACHES mix that's warm and toasty. 

This TACHES mix is a collection of warm noises infused with christmas merriment and the magic of late night. The perfect mix to sip while vibing out to this mix is a TACHES special he calls The Lindsay Lohan. Take 1 part Jägermeister, 1 part Peach Schnapps, 2 part cranberry. Pour all ingredients into mouth and shake. Dribble into cocktail glass and garnish with a has-been cherry. 

TACHES sat down with Santa for a little fire side chat, and it seems like he had a lot to say about Dancer, Rudolph, and Vixen. Czech it. 

Santa: Have you been naughty or nice this year? 
TACHES: I refuse to answer this question until my lawyer arrives.
S: What rooms would you add to your ginger bread house?
T: Every house naturally needs at least one room with mattress floors and large skylights. Maybe a medium sized cinema with an unlimited supply of serrano ham and chocolate milk. I’ve also always thought it would be pretty cool to have a rock climbing wall in my studio (bedroom). Nothing vents vents writers block quicker than climbing. Fact.
S: Who do you want to be caught under the mistletoe with? 
T: Far, far too many people. This is my biggest problem. *sheds a single tear*
S: Screw, Marry, Kill: Rudolph, Vixen, Dasher? 
T: Rudolph, to me, has always been a massive attention whore. Clearly uncomfortable in his own skin, Rudolph steals the limelight from the other reindeers, without fail, every year. For this reason, and this reason alone, I’d have to kill him. It’s nothing personal, but I just feel the others should have a chance to shine through – without Rudolph and his ‘nose so bright’ jumping in every 5 minutes demanding someone ‘sing that song about me!’.  Dasher sounds fast and fast is always handy. I suffer from chronic and incurable laziness on Sundays but am often faced with the need to ‘handle shit’. It’d be pretty awesome to just send Dasher out on some errands while I watch LOST and eat too many bowls of cereal. Therefore, Dasher gets the ring. Vixen… I’m sure Vixen is a quarrelsome and spirited reindeer-ess. The name says it all. Before this gets too weird, I’d have to screw Vixen although i’m sure that a large amount of alcohol would have to precede said event.
S: What's on your Holiday list? 
T: Good question. Nothing really. Maybe some serrano ham/socks. I saw this cool finger skate board factory advertised on Nickelodeon 3 times in one short ass commercial break the other week – talk about brainwashing. If I HAD to make a list, I guess i’d put that on it. I miss toys.
S: Favorite Holiday jam? 
T: Strawberry. Facetiousness aside, I’m a sucker for some Chris Rea. ‘Driving Home For Christmas’ is an all time great. I often wonder how much he makes on royalties every damn year. On that note, I must now announce my retirement from electronic music. Christmas music is where, as the kids of today might say, “the paper at’.
S: Favorite Holiday Tradition? 
T: Every Christmas, my family dress up as turkeys and pick fights with other families on our street. This may or may not be real. In all honesty, I really, really love Christmas trees and having far too many lights around the house. 
S: What are you grateful for in 2013? 
T: The health of my friends and family, the burgeoning status of my music career and the fact that the world is finally starting to acknowledge the benefits of everyone’s favourite lady, Mary Jane. 
S: What do you look forward to in 2014? 
T: I should be moving to Barcelona with some of my bestest friends in the whole world in May/June which will be wonderful and I’m really excited about the prospect of playing some more weird gigs in far away lands over yonder.
S: Are you making any New Years resolutions? 
T: I need to keep on top of my room (not literally, that would be hard) as I find it quite difficult to maintain a clean workspace. Starting on the 1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10 of January, this will all end. I would also like to eat more avocado.
S: Where will you be when the clock strikes midnight? 
T: I genuinely have zero clue. Isn’t that exciting? The possibilities are endless, though I would ideally like to end up at some chilled house party and shuffle around/dance a little with a beer in one hand and a cheap cigar in the other.

Dance · Feature


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